I did it again

I read that fucking book.
Why the hell does that Grimmerie of thought have to hold so much power over me?

I have shaken your fucking snowglobe...but only because you invited me to!
Did anyone ask the snowman what they wanted...I TRIED!

God, this is so stupid. I am so attached to someone who I need to recognize will never love me because his love goes into two people who he will not let me get close to.
But God forbid you blame Matt Barrow for shaking your globe.
I mean, he's not dating YOU...he's dating your wife.

Whatever, make up your mind and stop using me.
I feel used.
God, I cannot believe how used I feel.

I'm a fancy way to jack off.
Great...you know, I know of plenty of ways to really, REALLY hurt you and the reason I don't use them is because I DON'T WANT TO!
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU!
I DON'T WANT TO HURT RACHEL!
I DON'T WANT TO HURT STEPH!

And yet you feel a need to protect them from me...to protect yourself from me.

At least now I know how you truly feel.