Where's there's life there is love

I'll admit it, I wasn't in the best of moods.
Not that I didn't want to be.
I guess I just gave out when it came to crunch time and let the angst and disappointment wash over me.

I rode home after an interesting shift at work only to be greeted by a roomful of my dear friends applauding my arrival and too many hugs and kisses to count.
I was aglow with the true love shared amongst all of our beautiful, weary souls.

And then Carrie and Annie showed me a dance they'd choreographed just for me!
I'd never received such a lovely gift!
I was elated...to say the very least.

The evening drew to a close with all of us dancing on Belmont until Carrie fell on her ass and car's honked their horns.
A marvelous time was had by all.

This one's a downer

I'm going to rant for just a few moments only because I'm getting to the point where I feel I have little to no real joy to escape to in the face of all of the external miseries I'm playing home to on behalf of so many of the people surrounding me.

It's not everyone.
Just a few individuals who I used to trust.

It's not so much the complaining and pathos.
It's that I wanted to be able to keep trusting.
That really says it all.

I feel that I make constant and concerted efforts to maintain a position of trust in the lives of my loved ones as a result of my hopes to provide all of them with one solid thing. One dependable character. And I don't see much of that returned.

Give me something, anything to work with.
I'm tired and running very low on willing contributions to the lives of those who refrain from making real investments back in my person and energy.

So this is it.
I've had it and I'm through.
I'll continue to love and encourage but beyond that I am now receding from my position at the forefront in an effort at fortifying my own individual sense of security and well being.

There's nothing quite so disheartening as admitting to yourself that you gave people too much credit. Too much optimistic hope.
It's like realizing that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny are not only childish fabrications but they're also stealing something from you.
And all you ever did was look forward to seeing them.

Perhaps this whole Burning Man thing is coming at just the right time.

The moment I first realized just how beautiful you are

There was something tragic about
the moment I first realized just how beautiful you are.

We couldn't have been more sincere and I couldn't have been more broken.
The desk where my hands were busy became the altar of my dignity as I felt your words squeeze from the tiny spaces behind my eyes.

I wanted so badly to start bleeding.
To show you with my insides what I felt as your gentle secrets painted the skin and bones of my ears.
They're such little bones.
And now they're just like you.
Little and beautiful.
And broken.

I don't think they'll ever work as well as they did before they knew you.
I don't think I'll ever work as well as I did before I knew you.

Couldn't you just stay?
You could live in my closet or even in my bathroom.
I would make room out of anything I didn't need to fill.

You'd be so welcome.
You're always so welcome now.
And to think I thought you were welcome before.