Where Do I Go With This?

I am in the middle of deciding whether or not to tell anyone else about Christopher and I.
I know that it's a call that should be made by the two of us in tandem, it just seems like there's no time to confer.

I just want it to be an average thing.
We can walk anywhere together, holding hands or not.

We can sit anywhere together, his head on my shoulder.

I just need to have more self-assurance so I don't feel a need to feel external approval.

Come Clean

I admitted that I read the book.
I was less hard than I had expected.
I love Christopher.

Too much to tell

In the last several weeks my eyes have been opened to the possibilities of love.

That sounds so prosaic, so loose, so ideal.
And yet, that truly is how I feel at this point.

Chris and I have a chance.
It seems so small sometimes, but it's still a chance.

We love each other, we have both claimed it, both affirmed it, both lived it.

Something is different.
There's less of the weight of proof on my own shoulders now.
I feel like Chris has taken on some of what he left to me for fear of, well, fear.

I have to admit a strong sense of triumph over the forces of Jeremi.
He tried to get a hold on Chris' heart via victimization and vulnerability...and yet while I smile cruelly at his romantic demise in my favor, I recognize that I am not completely above reproach on that same level.

I have to admit that I put myself up against impossible odds in order to be saved by my Christopher and this is not an effort of honesty so much as an ideal proof of love.

Sometimes I really confuse myself with how much I process internally.