A quiet and utter lacking

I've been so many things in my somewhat brief lifetime.

Some of them laudable.
Some of them criminal.

And only when I look to the stars do I see the sheer tininess of me and my actions.
Who I am and what I do seemed to have lost each other somewhere along the road stretching behind me.

And now is the season to bring them into accord with one another.

And in being in accord with myself, I hope to be in accord with what was my once and future promise and devotion.

If only to know that he could feel my dwindling energy and hazy terror at every moment I realize just what and who I have lost.
To lose is to be thoughtless.
And I have displayed the utmost of thoughtlessness.